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Recipe: Coq au Vin à la Frankenstein

Originally published at S. J. Chambers. You can comment here or there.

In which the kitchen becomes my lab.

Ok, so I call this dish Coq au Vin à la Frankenstein because basically I got home from work Monday with the overwhelming desire to cook something amazing, but with little enthusiasm for going to the store.  So, I decided to ransack the coffins and sepulchers of my kitchen for any ingredients that might work together, and low and behold I had these yummy specimens:

5 strips of bacon

6 boneless and skinless chicken breasts

1 yellow onion

3 garlic cloves

Pinch of salt

pinch of thyme

pinch of rosemary

2 pinches of basil

Pinch of black pepper

1 1/2 quart of chicken stock

1 bottle of cheap-ass wine, or you know, a combo of all the open and semi-filled bottles lying around in one’s laboratory.

3 stalks of celery

4-5 whole carrots

1 whole green pepper

You need a stock pot and a metal spatchula.  Begin to brown the bacon in the pot, and as the bacon cooks, dice the strips in the pot with the spatchula.  Let the bacon simmer for about ten to fifteens minutes, and while that is happening, begin to chop up the onions and prep about 3 cloves of garlic for pressing.

Remove the bacon and press the garlic and let it simmer in the grease for five minutes (meanwhile you can start chopping on those carrots, celery, and green pepper), then add onions and stir it all around.

Next, you will want to add the broth and wine, then the salt, black pepper, thyme, rosemary, and basil.

Hold up: no bay leaves?  Bay leaves are pretty pointless at this point as this is more of an impromptu dish than a soaking and simmering one.

Let everything come to a boil and simmer while you finish chopping up the veggies, then stir them in.  Next comes the brains of this concoction, the coq of our vin, ladies and gentleman:  six chicken breasts.  Once they are added into the broth, make sure everything comes back to a boil, then lid and let the wonders of electric heating galvanize the pot for about 20-25 minutes.  In this time, make sure to rotate the breasts in the vin-broth. [Oh, that’s what Mary said!].

So, while you wait for 20 minutes for your creation to be realized, go take a breather. Think about world domination, or what would make a good side.  I’d suggest going for Africa first, as that seems to always be the Golden Ticket in Risk, and jasmine rice is always a nice starchy accoutrement.

Once the stupid egg timer goes off and destroys your gentle reveries, dinner should be done.

Warning:  I once had a bad incident with raw chicken, so I’d suggest even though 25 minutes should be enough, I’d take one breast out and dissect it for any fresh abnormalities. Once all has passed inspection, cry “It’s alive! Er, I mean READY!” and laugh manically while serving your guests.

This is the first time I’ve ever written a recipe, and like I said, I composed this dish rather haphazardly, so it may need tweaking to taste.  But my experiment turned out quite tasty, and so I wish you equally salient results in your own diabolical cooking.

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